You can't negotiate with nutters.

This was a throw-away line a senior executive shared with a group of managers in a workshop I was facilitating.  Everyone laughed (as was expected).  The real import of the message however was not lost on me.  Despite all the hard work, good intentions, and varied approaches Managers (and us) bring to establishing, maintaining and correcting relationships with staff (and others) - sometimes you really have to recognise when you're dealing with a nutter.  And that's ok... so long as you don't beat yourself up about it.

In a similar vein, one of the secrets to my own happiness that I've picked up is that you can't please everyone and if you can, then not all of the time.  Letting go of this expectation for me opened up a whole new way of being with people.  It meant that I didn't take it personally if for instance, someone didn't like a suggestion or an idea I had.  Or, if I'd been working on a task or project and it met with varied responses.  Of course, I need to take feedback on board, but being prone to feedback overload that would often end with me trying to make sense of multiple, completely disparate viewpoints and forgetting that I was the professional engaged to resolve this lack of clarity in the first place.  In a worst case scenario I would present to or be with a person in a way that I THOUGHT they would value, benefit from or appreciate.  I wasn't being real, or not really real anyway.

Accepting I can't please everyone is not that same as saying "I no longer give a crap."  You still do your good work, still consider multiple perspectives and approaches, still work hard for a good outcome and relationships.  By letting go of trying to please everyone it made it easier for me to stick to my values and professional expertise and as a result I'm actually able to implement more as I'm less paralysed by the alternative viewpoint(s).

So, before you go too much further in 'that' relationship....  Are you sure you're not dealing with a nutter?

Till next time

Be happy

ps...

I'm still going with my gratitude list.   Here are some excerpts from today.

• It was a tough day at the office (sick, travel, challenging group) so coming home to an enthusiastic welcome from Kirt and Buddy was delightful.
• I'm grateful for my co-facilitator today who took care of so much behind the scenes stuff.
• I'm grateful for all the great managers I've had.  You know who you are Carl.  ;-)
• I'm grateful for the people who want to help you succeed and work hard to make it happen

How are you going?  Still at it?