You're at a party and you see a really fit person eating whatever they like. You know you work hard on your diet and don't get the same results they do eating junk food.... result. You feel bad. What you don't see is the behind the scenes stuff. All the good food they normally eat, or the hard work they do every day of their life.
You see a guy driving a nice Beemer getting out to play tennis early on a Friday afternoon. Inference - they live a charmed life, why can't I have everything like that too...? What you don't see. The crippling lease agreement he's in and the 60 hr weeks he normally works to pay for it... AND you've seen him on his one week holiday.
The person with the beautifully cleaned house. How can they work, raise children AND find the time to clean? What's wrong with me? I'm no good because I can't do that too. What you don't see - their exhaustion at the end of the week and the stress they are under to keep it clean.
The above are just some of the things I've heard talked about. There's undoubtably millions of others. What inferences and assumptions are you making about others and then comparing yourself negatively against?
Be careful of making comparisons. ESPECIALLY if they make you feel bad about yourself.
I did this. A lot. I'm working on reframing these observations now and thinking about what might be behind the scenes in a way that makes me feel better about myself. It's actually motivating me to do the things that might actually help me to achieve some of the things that I want.
I now try to focus on the input or effort I commit to an activity or task and make judgements about that instead. I'm letting go of the focus on outcome or result and am actually both feeling better about things and making more progress.
Last example. I've been wanting to blog and use social media to support my business for sometime now but when reading some of the popular blogs and looking at some of the successful marketers I tended to compare my beginner level of knowledge and skills. Recognising I couldn't do what they were doing (at least immediately anyway) I wouldn't try. My change of focus has meant that I've literally just started to play around and as a result:
- I'm up to my third post
- I've implemented some Facebook advertising
- I've found ways to customise my Facebook home page (not uploaded yet), which in turn has led to the development of some marketing/promotional material about the program I've been procrastinating about for 18 months.
Result = progress over the past three days that I've not managed to do in 18 months!!!! I'll have more of that please.
Till next time,
Be Happy.
Nice!!
ReplyDeleteIn a nutshell - awesome. I look forward to more Sean. Jac xx
ReplyDeleteGood read and so true. To be content in a materialistic society is an ongoing challenge for all of us and at times we need to step back and look at the big picture and realise that life is good. Everyone wants to have self worth and acceptance which is natural but so often we look at others, as you say, if only I looked like that or had that job etc then I would be happy. I have found in life that love is the common factor for contentment - love for self, love for others and love from others.
ReplyDeleteI commend you on your blog and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in a society that is quick to compare & judge our self worth in the way you have described.