The Phone Always Rings...

To say it's been an up and down 12 months would be a huge understatement.  My business had been directly affected by the GFC and flow on effects.  It seems people development was not high on the priority list for many of my prospective and existing clients.  During this time it's been very stressful not knowing where the next job was coming from and wondering how I was going to cover my overheads like rent.  The irony for me is that as That Happy Guy, I haven't been very happy.  Hindsight is a beautiful thing and I can see the errors I've made, in fact often I can see them as I'm making them.  Things like hopeless thinking, and then not actually doing anything because I think its a foregone (hopeless) conclusion.  Not great and I'm not proud of it but there it is.

Well anyway, I had a piece of good news yesterday which has allowed me to reflect and think a little more positively.  I had initially secured a range of workshops to be delivered for Dept of Communities in Feb and April and beyond.  A nice little earner and a good program to deliver.  With the recent floods the Departments priorities and focus shifted (and rightly so) to their role supporting the community through disaster management and recovery.  This meant my workshops were cancelled.  I'm not the only one to suffer so this is not sour grapes, just an unfortunate and unpredictable incident.  This means that I've not worked solidly or consistently since November.  It's hard to maintain a healthy mindset when you feel like what you've got is not wanted or needed.  Things were spiralling out of control.

Yesterday I secured a small piece of work for Feb that will help to keep the wolves at bay.  Great outcome and it reminded me of something that I thought I'd learned several years ago.  Focus on the things you can control and the phone will always ring (eventually).  It did ring and again I was reminded of this truism.  However I think I was lucky.  Usually luck is related to the effort you put in, I was fortunately rewarded despite not putting any effort in.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I had laid the foundations for this project in November.  I just hadn't really done much else.

If I had remembered to be more of an optimist (good things will come) I might have weathered the storm a little more stoically.  Oh well, lesson learned.  Next time I'll get a chance to be better... that's me being an optimalist, not a perfectionist (I should've got it right the first time).

I suspect a great many people will be suffering both directly and indirectly form the flood.  The second group are vulnerable as there is less focus and support provided to this group.  If you or anyone you know finds themselves in a position where their happiness is being affected by these events I'd like to remind them that even dark clouds have silver linings, and the true measure of a person is not whether they get knocked down or not, but what they do when they do get knocked down.

Till next time,

Be Happy.
:-)

Help Someone.... it's soooo good for you.

As you know I live in Brisbane which has recently been affected by some of the worst flooding we've ever seen.  The scale and scope of the destruction the flood waters have wrought is something to behold.  Never doubt the awesome power of mother nature.

For a long time I've known a simple truth.  In helping others you also help yourself.  The incredible display of support that the community has displayed towards those affected by the waters has demonstrated this principle for thousands.

My facebook community has been awash with people coordinating volunteer clean up efforts and then sharing their personal experiences of doing so.  A great many have commented on how good it made them feel.

 Right now my business has been significantly affected by the flood resulting in the cancellation of 10 - 20 days of work, so it would be fair to say I have my own problems (even though the flood didn't affect me or my loved ones directly).  It would be easy for me to get upset, frustrated, despondent and depressed and while I'm not proud to admit it, I have experienced each of those emotions over the past few weeks.  Let me tell you, when in that headspace I am not very productive, its easy to see why some people simply give up.  Instead I went and did some volunteering over the weekend (and will probably go again this week).

Anyway, after spending a few hours in flood ravaged homes (completely submerged in the peak of the flood) I didn't spare a single thought for my own situation.  Even better, when I did return to think about my situation and what I needed to do I was in a "can do" headspace.  I am not going to give up.

So, my advice towards feeling happier more of the time...  Find a cause, a group or a person that needs help and offer it.  Volunteers are always needed, not just in times of crisis, and cover everything from nursing sick and injured animals to feeding the homeless and everything else in between.

I know many of my readers have themselves been volunteering over the past few days.  I'd love to hear your experiences.

Till next time,

Be Happy

When the chips are down

Resilience - is the positive capacity of people to cope with stress and adversity.

Qld (where I live)  is currently experiencing some of the worst flooding since the record breaking 1974 floods.  Many peoples lives have been disrupted, homes and businesses destroyed and even lives lost.  Two things are already emerging.

1. The willingness of people to help others.
2. The ability of those affected by events to forge ahead, to bounce back and to look on the bright side of things.  This is true resilience.

It's a shame it takes catastrophic events to bring out the best in people.  The benefit you receive from helping somebody else is a wonderful plus hardwired into our psyche.  To my mind, we need to learn from this and fund ways every day to help someone else.  Who around you might need your help now?

Here's some footage from flooding in Toowoomba.  Check it out.

How My Brain Works

I need your help. I'd like to show you a video and get some feedback on it if possible.

As I mentioned in an earlier posting, part of my approach over the coming months is to research, test and build a personal development training program focused on happiness, resilience and engagement.

One of the intro topics is going to be on the brain.  How it works and how that relates to later modules and concepts.

The brain amazes me.  In short, our thoughts, memories and experience of the world, including emotions are nothing more than electrical impulses and chemicals.  There's significant evidence that suggests that "Neuron's that fire together, wire together."  Neuron's are the tentacle-like connections in our brains.  Meaning that our thoughts, moods, emotions etc, travel down the most well worn paths in our brain.  So let's say you're a bit of a cynic.   You will naturally and comfortably follow that path of thinking (perhaps even to your detriment in some cases).  An optimist, by contrast, will tend towards that style of thinking because their brain has wired itself together that way (we won't talk about nature v nurture at this stage suffice to say that environment and genetics influence these developments in your brain).  The brain is also incredibly plastique, or malleable.  Meaning we can change it.  Even later in life (there is much recent research suggesting that brain plasticity continues well into to old age AND if you don't use it you will lose it (get your grandparents to learn something new this year).    So, if we want to shift our thinking we need to work at it in order to lay down new neural pathways.   This is my 2011 mission, to rewire my brain (and hopefully yours too).

Anyway, I digress.  I wanted to share a video that I found that explains part of the concepts I've been talking about.  I'd love your feedback on whether it made sense, was interesting, not confusing etc.

Let me know what you think.



Till next time,

Be happy

Christmas Sucks

Not for me.  But it does for some people.  Many people in fact.

I just wanted to spare a moment to think about all the people who are suffering in one way or another at this time of the year.  An often invisible group of people close to my heart are those who are unable to have children.  Christmas is a poignant reminder of what is not possible for 1 out of 6 couples in Australia.

While you enjoy your festive celebrations (and please do), take a moment to spare a thought for those among us who might need a friendly smile or a heartfelt hug, or perhaps to just be left alone.

Merry Christmas everyone.  Be safe on the roads and enjoy the company of those who want to be around you.  :-)

Till next time,

Be Happy

My To Do List

Kirt and I were recently in WA taking a couple of days to travel to Margaret River in a Wicked Camper Van…  an awesome way to roll.  There's something magical about going on a road trip together.  We used to have an old Kombi when we were at Uni and the holiday trips up and down the East Coast are some of our most wonderful memories.

Anyway, taking advantage of the free time we discussed life direction, hopes and frustrations and actually made up a to do list.  These lists are very powerful (in my experience).  Its the writing of them that does something.  I think it helps to clarify the objective.  Additional planning may be required but in many cases the initial list will do.  Have you ever made a list or a plan and then forgotten about it only to find (when you stumble across the list again) that you've actually achieved or made significant progress towards doing the things in the plan/list?  I have and I've seen many of my clients experience the same thing.  Key Message.  Make a List.

Here's ours:

•   Wall stencils

•   Hang tv on wall

•   Sell stereo

•   Sort out AV equipment

•   Wall mount speakers

•   2 PAC /paint box

•   Artwork for walls

•   Sell bongos

•   Sell polar HRM

•   Sell Mercedes

•   Price Kombi's

•   Paint window sills

•   Extra payment on mortgage

•   Ski savings account

•   Read happy books and other research for "Would You Like Happy With That?' workshop

•   Learn: u-tube editing / Pod casts / Mac book

•   Build commuter bike

•   Try cross fit

•   Find spin class

•   Recover outside sofa with black covers

•   New cushions for outside

•   Subscribe to home decorating magazines

•   Kirt redo budget

The intention behind this list was activities/things that would support our investment strategy.  We've realised we need to stay where we are currently living for another few years in order to be able to move to where we'd ultimately like to live.  We wanted to simplify our life and make home a little nicer to live in.

I reckon we'll knock this list over by early to Mid Jan.  Some stuff has already happened.

Over to you now.  Why don't you take five minutes right now and write your list.  What are you going to do?

Till next time,

Be Happy.

ps.  Thanks for the advice, guidance and support you've offered me thus far.

Near enough.... is it good enough?

I've been in a difficult spot for the past few days, and am feeling less than inspired about all things life.  I've run out of work till early in the new year.  I've been sick and feeling miserable.  My diet, has slipped and I've been eating all kinds of crap.  I'm changing my training around and the days without doing any exercise are quickly adding up.  The weather has been wet and not very conducive to outdoors activity.

All of these things are critical ingredients in a happy, positive life.  Diet, food, stress mgt, meaningful activities (work), good health so it's no wonder I'm not feeling great.  

I asked my partner a question the other day.  I get it that your mindset is a choice you make in order to shift how you feel about a situation in order to change what you do about it.  Think - Feel - Do.  I get it.  The question was "How do you force the shift?"  A kind reader suggested it's not a case of 'tricking' your mind,  but rather the act of applying the alternate mindset to the situation.  I thought I'd give that a go.

Here's what I did.  

1. Recognised that flat, despondent emotions or emotional state is a normal part of life and gave myself permission to feel them (perfectionists reject these emotions and in doing so, hold more firmly to them AND judge themselves for having had them in the first place... Lose/Lose).
2. Looked for an alternative way of thinking about the situation.  To do this I pretended I was talking to someone else who just happened to be in my situation (it's funny, you often give others advice and guidance you wouldn't give yourself AND you sometimes see things differently when you remove yourself from the equation).
3. Made two lists - one was the perfectionists viewpoint, the other was the optimalists (I'll share these lists in a second)
4. Went about implementing a 'near enough' idea

So what this actually looked like for me was as follows:

1. "I'm feeling shit because I've not been exercising, and I'll never be as fit as I was and, and, and...."  That's ok Sean.  It's normal to go through ups and downs.  Accept the emotion for what it is and move on.  
2. Initial View:  "It's all gone to shit.  I'm getting fat, Christmas is coming, I should've kept up my training..... " Alternate View:  No wonder you feel bad Sean, look at your current situation.  That's ok though mate, you're only a couple of sessions away from feeling great again and yeah, the first one is going to hurt.  But don't they all hurt?  And don't you actually like that?

Here are my lists as they relate to the above situation

Perfectionist:

• I need to go on a strict diet with one cheat meal per week - rigid restriction.
• No alcohol
• I'll do crossfit 5 x per week starting immediately
• Swim 2-3 times per week 
• Casual MTB or Road Bike ride each weekend

Optimalist:

• Try to get along to 3 crossfit sessions/week until I get a feel for it and my body get's used to the different movements
• Do at least one swim each week, even if it's just doing some cruisy laps with the pullboy
• Get on the bike at least once each fortnight, weather permitting

Which list do you think is going to work better for me?  As I read them I still struggle to let go of my perfectionist tendancies.  I want the first list.  Thats where I'd like to be.  Problem is, now is a very difficult time of year to go on a strict diet and to avoid alcohol.  Nor will I want to avoid those things (causing conflict).  Also, I changed my training focus because I didn't have enough time AND I was carrying small but persistent injuries.  And Whammo!  I replace 7-10 sessions a week with 9.   So lets assume I opt for list 1.  Chances are that I won't be able to do 5 crossfit sessions in my first ever week of doing it (I did my first workout last week just prior to getting sick and I was sore for 5 days!!!).  Because of my time restrictions it's highly unlikely that I'll be able to train twice a day for a few weeks anyway, so the swims would pretty much all fall over and my weekends have been very social (and wet) so riding bikes is unlikely too.  

So, imagine how that would make me feel?  Yup, like crap.

I'm going to try list 2 and see what happens.  I'll let you know.

Here's one quick example of how my different thinking is slowly shifting some of my behaviour.

Saturday arvo - been threatening rain all day.  Dog needs a walk.  Sean desperately needs some exercise.  BTW - regular exercise has so far proven to be the one absolute essential in my mental and stress management.  Funny thing is, the more I actually need to do some exercise, the less likely I am to seek it out.  A couple of days of decadent eating, drinking and no exercise and it's the last thing I'm likely to want to do, despite so desperately needing it.  I'm getting better at recognising this and just getting out there.  Letting go of the idea that every session has to be a PB too.  That's helping.  So anyway.  Decided that if it rained I'd take the dog out and we'd go for a cruisy run and enjoy the puddles (he loves the water). 

Well it didn't just rain, it pissed down.  So much so that people were coming outside to watch the rain and they all got a good giggle when they saw me dragging my very reluctant dog outside in the biggest downpour we've had in awhile.  He really didn't want to be outside.  A couple of guys in a truck even took the trouble to roll down there window and laugh at me as they drove past.  

Anyway, the dog soon got into it and was leaping in puddles and sniffing wet smelly things with abandon.  Because it was wet, it was cool and there was no-one on the bike paths so I could let Buddy off the lead which he loves.  It turned out to be one of the more enjoyable runs I've had in a long time.  Go figure.

So.  The exercise was the two lists.  Making a perfectionists list and a 'near enough' list and trying to implement that instead.  I'll report back but the theory suggests that with my near enough list I'm more likely to get some traction and 'get into action' which in turn may actually snowball and take me closer to the first list with less stress and more enjoyment.  And if it doesn't, it doesn't really matter.  At least I'm doing something.

Here's the activity as I read it.  The process is about compromise between the different priority areas of your life so as to not take too much on and get overloaded.  I varied it a little to suit my situation but I think it worked.

Make a list of the important areas in your life (I focused on one area).  Try categories such as professional, family, romantic, friends, health, travel, hobby, finances etc.  First note under each category what you would ideally like to do and how much time you would ideally like to spend.  Then, for each category distinguish between the part that you can give up and the part you see as indispensable.  Write down the indispensable activities under your good enough list.  For example, under work your ideal might be 60 hours a week.  Given the other constraints and desires, that may not be realistic.  Good enough for you might be 40 hours a week.  Here's what those lists look like for me.

Category	Ideal (Perfect)	Good Enough (Optimal)
Work	60 hrs / week	40 hrs / week
Friends	Daily get togethers	Once a week catch up
Exercise	1 Session every day	3 - 5 / week

Till next time, 

Stay Happy.

ps.  the discipline of writing this blog is really helping to clarify my thinking on the topic so thanks for listening.  I'll share the theories on reflective writing later on but so far it's helping me AND it's not feeling like a huge amount of work.